eternitycoder | [musebox post]

I think she was accusing me of 'luring her in' without intent to deliver. [He sighs, laying his head on the pillow and looking at Rikku. This is clearly something Artemis has struggled with. He's a genius, and all academics come easily to him, but he's never been easy to figure out. Even Artemis has trouble figuring himself out.]

Humans should have a desire to reproduce, to be social, to be close to another human. Being asexual sounds as though it means I'm... defective. Or I hate people.

[Rikku will find this girl and he will blow something of hers up]

Arty, if reproduction was a thing humans should want, we wouldn't have gay people. The other stuff, yeah sure, but being asexual doesn't mean you don't want that or you're defective. It just means you don't want sex.

Some gay couples adopt. They feel a desire to have a family, raise offspring even if they haven't actually borne it. Some gay penguins have been documented as raising chicks that technically aren't theirs. [He'd been a little touched by that, and thought for about two seconds that maybe he could adopt a lost metaphorical penguin chick.]

And not wanting sex would make relationships hard. Everyone wants to have sex. It seems like every time I walk through the commons someone mentions sex. Closeness is important. You would want to be close with someone, wouldn't you?

[He feels a funny twinge in his chest as the realization comes to him.] You wouldn't want someone like me if that's what I'm like. You'd be frustrated and sad with me if I couldn't give you what you wanted. [Artemis has a pained look on his face for almost thirty seconds before he realizes his face is making his thoughts very plain right now. He squeezes Rikku's hand and looks down at his chest.] I don't want to see you sad.

First, using the commons as an example is a bad idea. This is college, Arty.

[Seriously. He squeezes Artemis's hand back]

Second...if we did start dating and it turned out you were ace, we could figure something out. Friends always do, y'know, and no matter what, you're my best friend on this coast. If you don't like me back, if you do, if you do and you don't want sex, if you decide to go live with the penguins, you're my best friend here.

...you're too nice, Rikku. [Artemis swallows.] You know, when you started coming back home from your clubs with these other men, when you came home drunk, I didn't care. But the more we talked, the more you drank milk right out of the carton, and made me smell all these strange experiments, and shivered and asked to borrow my sweaters... I couldn't not care anymore. I didn't know what it was at first, and then I thought perhaps we were friends and I was concerned.

...and then that that French girl whispered she was going to have sex with you behind the circulation desk and I told her you were taken. [He's still staring at Rikku's chest, almost glaring now.] I didn't say "thank you for your time", I said you were unavailable and that she should fire whoever does her fake looking highlights. And I reasoned I did that because we were friends and that girl was insufferable.

I didn't think that maybe I thought all of this because I hated the thought of you coming home with someone else. Or potentially being asked to step out while you had sex with someone else. I dreaded that, and I always found some reason aside from 'maybe there's something new going on'.

But I hate those possibilities even more now...

[Not "oh, he's gay". Arty told the girl that he was taken. It's that part that really gets Rikku. Most guys would've just told the truth. He tugs Artemis a little closer]

Y'know, I stopped bringing guys home after Thanksgiving. I stopped looking. They weren't what I wanted. I mean, I still flirt when I go out 'cause it's me and that's just what I do but...I'm not interested in them. None of 'em really clicked with me, and I couldn't find that something in them that made me want a relationship. They were fun guys to sleep with, but they weren't...

[He trails off]

I'd just thought you'd noticed me making faces in the corner. [Artemis makes a face and shudders slightly. The fire is slowing down a little, now that all the paper's been consumed.]

...they weren't what? [Artemis is definitely hanging on Rikku's every word now.]

My type, normally, is either the big, handsome, Adonis type or the rebel type. Usually smart, but sometimes you get the random frat boy because it's college. Easy going, powerful, usually got a few tattoos. All the guys I brought home tended to have at least two of those things, yeah?

[He sighs]

But I didn't want any of 'em. I wanted a gorgeous, genius rich boy who nags at me for doing the carton thing and who would die before getting inked even if he'd look good with a little and who I could never ever ever get because my serious crushes always fall flat for one reason or another and because he is so far outta my league it's hilarisad.

[It's not a Rikku Ramble without the Rikku Words. He pauses, then goes on, a little sad:]

...but I've got a cycle. I fall hard for someone, I deny it for the longest, I admit to myself, and either I shove it aside enough that it goes away or I confess and then I have to move or transfer sections because it's just too awkward.

Hilarisad... [Artemis is familiar with Rikku's tendency to make up words, but this is probably one of the more sad ones he's heard.]

Don't move. [He pulls on Rikku's hand.] Please don't move. You're right, I'll never get a tattoo ever, but I'm not out of your league. That is such a bullshit phrase, who decides these 'leagues' anyway?

...please don't move. I may not be your type, and I may not know what I am or why, but I know my heart would break watching you walk around here sad. Please don't leave.

...are you saying you like me, Arty?

[He looks a little conflicted for a moment, but he's thinking. He's trying to parse everything that's been said, everything he's thought before this moment, every memory, every behavior he's tried to explain away... it's too much to roll together when Rikku is asking him now.]

Yes. [That was what his gut told him.] ...yes, I like you more than anyone else I've met in my entire life.

[He smiles softly]

And...can I kiss you? You can say no.

Yes, ah... go ahead. ...I don't know what I should do, though. [He blushes and looks embarrassed.]

Go with your gut. I know that's kinda hard for you academics, but trust me here.

[With that, he pulls Artemis close and kisses him lightly]

[Artemis stiffens a little, because he's very bad at 'going with his gut' as Rikku pointed out. But it's warm and soft, and slowly Artemis relaxes. It's a good first kiss, he thinks. Blanket fort, dying fire, power outage, the snow collecting against the windows...]

[He mostly doesn't move, not knowing when to pull away or if he should move a little or something. He's going to learn as they go, apparently...]

[Rikku pulls away. Normally, he'd take the not moving as a sign of not interested. With Arty, it's a cry for help]

Was that good? D'you want me to stop, or can I kiss you again?

No, don't stop... [Artemis blushes a little, curling up closer to Rikku.] Show me more. I'll get better if I know more.

[He grins and pulls Artemis into another, more Rikku-kiss. All flirty and fun and still sweet and easy]

[Artemis experiences for a moment, then hesitantly puts his hand on Rikku's shoulder. People did that, right? And he tilts his head a little--that happened in a film trailer he saw once.]

[Rikku makes a pleased sound when he starts moving, coaxing him to keep it up and adjusting if he needs too]

[Oh that was a good sound... Artemis takes a moment to be pleased with himself before he puts another hand on Rikku's shoulder. And he even tilts his head the other way. Yes, brilliant, this was exactly how people kissed.]

[Rikku has to pull back just a little to keep from laughing, but he's smiling as he tugs Arty close]

You're over-thinking this, sweetie.

...this is news to you? [Artemis raises an eyebrow as he settles in close to Rikku.] ...it's much warmer like this.

Nope, just stating the obvious.

[He smiles]

It's called body heat.

[And then he's cuddling up close to Artemis, resting his head against the other's collarbone]

[He snorts.] I know what it's called. I'm only making an observation... that I'm much warmer like this.

[Artemis wraps his arms around Rikku's shoulders and holds him, a little awkwardly, but the feeling is there.] Am I a rubbish kisser?

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